Welcome to Crime Alley with the Parker Novels!

Welcome to a new feature here at The Nerd Report called Crime Alley, where I'll be looking at the crime genre in all its varied forms, from books to movies to comics to TV shows to.....ballet, maybe? If you're a fan of crime stories, maybe this feature will give you a new little nugget to dive into. If you've read the odd mystery but aren't a huge devotee, maybe you'll find some new dark streets to wander down.

So, slam back a shot of whiskey, loosen your tie, put your feet up on your desk, and let's walk down Crime Alley.

In 1962, The Hunter was published, written by Richard Stark. A brutal, fast-paced thriller starring a professional thief named Parker who is betrayed by his fellow crooks during a heist and left for dead. We follow Parker as he cuts a bloody swath through the New York underworld to get revenge and the money owed to him.

Write Fan Fic? Amazon Wants to Help You Get Paid, Dawg

Yeah, you can't unsee this.

So, yeah, first off, let's get something out of the way here. I've written fan fic. I'm not proud of it, I didn't write very much, and it was a long time ago. If you know anything about me, you'll probably know what it was for. That's right, The Waltons. You can't know the thrill I got typing the words, "Goodnight, John Boy."

Up until recently, fan fic was the absolute literary gutter, just slightly above its more disreputable cousin, slash fic. The good fan fic was written by people that were talented writers, but fan fic really led nowhere, so one got the sense they were wasting their time. All the other kinds of fan fic are basically fan wank. That's where you get all that Star Wars meets Star Trek fan fic. Or Doctor Who meets The Dukes of Hazzard, etc.

But now, Amazon is taking things to the next level. They just announced Kindle Worlds, "a place for you to publish fan fiction inspired by popular books, shows, movies, comics, music, and games." Basically, they're starting a platform where people will be able to write fan fiction, submit it to Amazon, who will offer it for sale. They've gotten the license for properties owned by Warner Bros. Television Group's Alloy Entertainment. They produce shows like Gossip Girl, Pretty Little Liars and The Vampire Diaries. I'm thinking that last one will get the bulk of the submissions, all of them dealing with suppressed sexual desire and intense longing stares. The brooding. Oh, the brooding.

UPDATED - Trailer for "Dragon Tattoo" Hits The Interwebs

Okay, so obviously I took most of this month off, but I think now I'm ready to resume transmissions. Amd I will do so with a very cool video. I don't know how long this will stay up on the World Wide Webs, but here's the first teaser for David Fincher's adaptation of the mega-hit novel The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo. The trailer is only playing in Europe right now, but the American version is expected to hit theatres next week.

UPDATE: So, the version I originally posted was completely unauthorized, which you could guess from how it was from footage of someone pointing a camcorder at a movie screen. Go figure. Here's the actual trailer, though it isn't a red band one. That one is gone, daddy, gone. Still a very good trailer.




How awesome is that? I love the music (Karen O from Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails covering Led Zeppelin), I love the cast, and David Fincher is an incredible director. I even love the tagline. Looking forward to this one.

Rooney Mara as Lisbeth Salander - Official Shots

As part of a recent stellar article in W magazine that focuses on director David Fincher, the first official shots of Rooney Mara in the role of Lisbeth Salander have been released. Any doubts that the American version wouldn't go as hard core as the Swedish films have been pretty much shelved by these.

The article goes into detail on Fincher himself, who sounds like both an unqualified master film maker, and a sort of a dick. But that's okay. Being an obsessive compulsive dick that makes movies as good as Se7en, Fight Club, Zodiac, ...Benjamin Button, and The Social Network is okay by me. I mean, I think working with the guy would be hard, no question, but it would be the good kind of hard. He's so exacting and meticulous that it would make you want to nail it as perfectly as he does.

Here's what the article says about Fincher's version:

The script, which captures the novel’s bleak tone (its original Swedish title was Men Who Hate Women), was written by Academy Award winner Steven Zaillian, who wrote Schindler’s List, and it departs rather dramatically from the book. Blomkvist is less promiscuous, Salander is more aggressive, and, most notably, the ending—the resolution of the drama—has been completely changed. This may be sacrilege to some, but Zaillian has improved on Larsson—the script’s ending is more interesting.

Anyway, the article also goes into detail on the lengths actress Rooney Mara had to go to just to land the role and the further lengths she went to get Salander's look right. I know a lot of people think Noomi Rapace captured her perfectly for the Swedish films, but I always thought that she seemed a little too formidable and mature, and dare I say, mainstream to me.

When I read the book, the picture of Lisbeth that I got was of a young woman with a very non-mainstream look and a deceptively slight build. It is her individuality and her slightness, combined with her intense mistrust of anyone, that allows most of the men in the book to completely underestimate her. To me, Mara looks pretty much exactly the way I pictured her.

Also, I wasn't all that impressed by the Swedish films. While I thought they were entertaining, there was something a little uninspired about them. Rapace's performance was great, even if I felt she didn't quite embody the character, but aside form that I felt they were a little workmanlike rather than thrilling. So, I'm excited to see a truly world class director like Fincher take this on. Even if he makes changes to the story, I feel he will successfully capture the "feel" of the characters and the books, which may result in a more thrilling film.

It all boils down, I guess, to what you want out of a filmed adaptation of a work from another medium. I'm all for fidelity, but if that fidelity is done strictly for the sake of fidelity, without an eye to what makes a movie work (I'm looking at you, Watchmen) that's not great. To me, the film is the film, and the book is the book, and they are two different beasts. As long as the spirit, the heart, the themes, are there, then who cares if Tom Bombadil shows up?

Mara Cast as The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

In the big casting news of the day, Rooney Mara has won one of the most coveted roles for an actress in years; that of Lisbeth Salander in David Fincher's adaptation of The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

Mara, who just finished working with director Fincher on his soon to be released The Social Network, has been considered the favourite for the role for some time, although many fan sites held out hope for bigger names such as Natalie Portman or Ellen Page.

Mara, who also appeared in the recent remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street, joins Daniel Craig in the cast, who will play journalist Mikael Blomkvist. Robin Wright and Stellan Skarsgard have been in discussion for supporting roles.

I have never seen Mara in anything that I can recall other than Youth in Revolt, which she was good in, but she seems to be the right age and body type of the role, and if Fincher has confidence, I can go along. Craig is a really good choice to top-line the film.

Imagine if Scarlet O'Hara Were a Tattooed Hacker With A Social Disorder

The search for the actress who was going to play Scarlet O'Hara in Gone With the Wind was so highly scrutinized that it has become the benchmark for scouring the earth for that perfect actor. Everyone wanted that role. Thousands of women auditioned.

Now, there's a role that's shaping up to be almost as sought after. The role of Lisabeth Salander in David Fincher's upcoming adaptation of Stieg Larsson's mega-selling Millennium series of novels. Fincher is directing the film version of The Girl With the Dragoon Tattoo. Salander has been widely praised as one of the most original and compelling central characters in recent literature. The three novels have already been filmed in their native Sweden, with Noomi Rapace taking on the role to great acclaim.

Now, for the American version, director David Fincher and the studio have already confirmed Daniel Craig in the lead role of Mikael Blomkvist, but Salander is the flashy role. Everyone from Ellen Page to Keira Knightley to Carey Mulligan to Kirsten Stewart were rumoured to be considered and/or actively pursuing the coveted part. Pretty much every young actress even remotely in the age range were hungry for it. Fincher reportedly offered the role to Natalie Portman, who turned it down.

Now, according to EW, the main contenders seem to be four largely unknown young actresses, who we'll look at below:

Sophie Lowe is an Australian actress that has done a number of high-profile roles down under but is pretty much completely unknown here in North America. She seems a little soft to me, but make-up and a haircut would probably take care of that.


Sarah Snook is also Australian, and has even less experience than Sophie Lowe, mainly on the stage. She's definitely got an edge to her, which whoever plays Salander would need in spades.


Rooney Mara is the sole American on this list, and the one probably most known to American audiences, with roles in Youth in Revolt and the recent remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street. She's also recently worked with Fincher, with a role in his upcoming film The Social Network. That could be a plus or a minus depending on how he feels about working with actors back to back.

Finally, there's French actress Lea Seydoux, who most recently appeared in Ridley Scott's terrible film Robin Hood (but she was quite good) and in Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds. She's got a good look for the role, as well, but that could just be because she's French.

I'm glad that Fincher seems to be leaning more towards an unknown for the role. I think that's kind of vital, as Salander is largely a mystery, and a movie star brings all sorts of baggage to roles that can be hard to ditch. It's an extreme role, and one that, done well, will make a big star out of the actress who plays her. Fincher is absolutely the right choice for the role, and his recent announcement to retain the Swedish setting shows an understanding of a major component of the books. Fincher said of the setting while at Comic-Con:

Stockholm. Uppsala. In the north. You have to. What, are you going to put it in Seattle?

I'm in the midst of reading the books right now, and they're some of the most fascinating detective fiction I've read since James Ellroy came on the scene. Check them out!

Ebert's Speech Returns

Most people who are into the show biz world have by now read the moving and exceptional piece on Roger Ebert that was written by Chris Jones for Esquire. There's also a very nice piece written by Will Leitch that tells a personal story of how kind the man can be to young talent.

And now he appears on Oprah today to reveal how old clips of his voice have allowed researchers to create a program that takes what he types and gives his words speech, in his own voice. His happiness and that of his wife is so palpable in the clip below:





It's fair to say that Roger Ebert, along with his partner Gene Siskel, introduced the concept of film criticism to people of my generation. It was a venerable field before them, peopled with the names and words of classic writers like James Agee, Pauline Kael, Andrew Sarris and Bosley Crowther. Siskel and Ebert were often derided for cheapening their craft, reducing it to soundbites, quick quotes and "two thumbs up". But, it must also be pointed out that they popularized film criticism and made the analysis of film something that could be enjoyed by everyone, not just a few intellectuals reading Cahiers du Cinema.

And, as the articles point out, since losing his voice to thyroid cancer, Ebert's writing has gotten even better than it was at his peak in the 1970s and 80s. It is more emotional, more close to truth than it was. As it's now his only form of communication with the outside world, it has become vulnerable and beautiful and much more skillful. I hope we don't lose that, but regaining speech after all this time is surely a worthy gift to give to the man that has given film lovers so much.

Go to Ebert's journal, and give yourself a treat. His writing is fantastic.

RIP - Robert B. Parker

Yesterday, popular and acclaimed mystery writer Robert B. Parker passed away at his writing desk in his home in Cambridge, Massachusetts. He was 77 years old.

Parker first gained fame in 1973 when he published his first novel The Godwulf Manuscript, which featured the gourmet cooking, ex-boxing, literary and sport loving Boston private detective referred to only by his last name; Spenser. The book did well, and Spenser was an indelible figure, a classic wise-cracking private eye with with a world weary demeanor and a code of nobility. More Spenser novels followed, with the character fast becoming the heir to Philip Marlowe.

In the 1985 a Spenser TV series debuted, starring Robert Urich as the detective and shot in and around Boston. Though Spenser: For Hire was well received, Parker was disappointed with the final product (though he championed the performances of the cast), and ABC was unhappy with the high cost of the series. It was cancelled in 1988. A spin off series called A Man Called Hawk, focusing on Avery Brooks' hitman Hawk, only lasted one season. There would be a series of TV Movies made in the 1990's based on the novels featuring Urich and Brooks in their Spenser: For Hire roles. Starting in 1999 A&E produced a series of TV Movies based on several Spenser novels featuring Joe Mantegna as the detective , which were marginally well-received.

Meanwhile, the intensely prolific Parker continued publishing Spenser novels almost annually, although his incredible work ethic allowed him to publish over works as well. In 1989 the Raymond Chandler estate authorized Parker to complete Chandler's last unfinished Philip Marlowe novel, Poodle Springs, and in 1991 he published his sequel to the classic novel The Big Sleep, Perchance to Dream.

In the late 1990s, during an incredibly productive period, Parker added to his stable of recurring characters by beginning his series of novels featuring small town police chief Jesse Stone, and another series featuring female PI Sunny Randall. Both have attained their own measure of popularity, with the Stone series being adapted for a series of TV Movies starring Tom Selleck. He also wrote short stories, essays and articles and non-fiction, as well as switching genres to the Western and creating yet another series of novels, these featuring gunslingers for hire Everett Hitch and Virgil Cole. The first novel, Appaloosa, was adapted to a feature film directed by Ed Harris.

Over time, Parker became most acclaimed for the complexity he brought to the private eye genre, namely for his ability to create and examine male to male relationships such as Spenser and Hawk or Hitch and Cole. The Spenser novels were also lauded for their depiction of a meaningful long-term relationship between Spenser and Susan Silverman, one that has suffered estrangements and deepened over time, without resorting to the cliche of marriage.

I grew up on the Spenser novels (of which there were 38 published by the time of his death), and they were absolutely a massive influence on me as a reader. Parker and Chandler led to my life-long love of pulp fiction and film noir. Parker was a machine of a writer, churning out enjoyable, if somewhat turgid, mystery novels that anyone could read and enjoy, with characters that had an undeniable reality. It's fitting he died at his desk, because that's how he would have wanted to go; with his boots on.

RIP - Jim Carroll

Poet, Punk Rocker and Outlaw Enfant Terrible Jim Carroll died on Friday in his Manhattan home. He was just 60 years old.

He was a teenage basketball star for the elite Manhattan private school Trinity when he first became addicted to both heroin and poetry. The combination of all three aspects made his 1978 memoir of those years, The Basketball Diaries, a cult classic.

While still a teen he fell under the spell of words, spending any time not on the court at St. Mark's Poetry Project in the East Village. In 1967, he self-published a pamphlet called Organic Trains, which won him a small following. His 1970 follow up, 4 Ups and 1 Down was even more successful, and his fame was compounded when The Paris Review published excerpts from his journals.

Now acclaimed by such lights as Patti Smith and Allen Ginsberg as the most original poet of his generation, he began a frenetic period, briefly attending Columbia and falling in with Andy Warhol's factory scene. He lived for a time with Smith and artist Robert Mapplethorpe.

After Living at the Movies, his first poetic work with a mainstream publisher, was released in 1973 to great acclaim, he fled New York for California. While there he cleaned up, got married and got divorced. He also published, in 1978, The Basketball Diaries, beginning his series of publications of his journals. The memoir was widely acclaimed and became one of the seminal wild youth cult books.

Around this time, with some encouragement by Patti Smith, he formed The Jim Carroll Band and released his first album, Catholic Boy. With its classic single People Who Died, the album has been hailed as the last great American punk album of its time. Carroll was seen as the heir apparent to fellow rock n' roll poet Lou Reed. Though their follow up albums weren't as successful, Carroll kept his hand in music, writing for other artists and recording as late as 2000.

He also continued to release books of poetry. His last collection, Void Of Course, was published in 1998.

RIP - Budd Schulberg

Legendary novelist and screenwriter Budd Schulberg passed away in Brooklyn on Wednesday; he was 95 years old.

Schulberg had a long career in Hollywood stretching back to the 1930s, but he was most famous as the writer of the screenplays for On the Waterfront and A Face in the Crowd, and the infamous Hollywood novel What Makes Sammy Run?

He was born in New York in 1914, but he grew up in the vibrant Hollywood of the 1920s. His father, B.P. Schulberg was president of Paramount Studios and his mother, Adeline, was a literary agent. In 1934, he travelled to the Soviet Union, and upon his return to the States joined the Communist Party. He would leave the party and become bitter about communism six years later after Party members attempted to influence his writing and demand propaganda be included in his work.

After graduating cum laude from Dartmouth in 1936, he returned to Hollywood and began his career as a screenwriter. He turned in his first major screenplay, Winter Carnival, in 1938, and was dismayed when an unhappy studio insisted he work with another writer to rewrite the script. His dismay turned to joy when he discovered the writer he was going to be working with was F. Scott Fitzgerald.

From his NY Times obit:

“I thought it was just a joke, like saying ‘Leo Tolstoy,’ ” Mr. Schulberg recalled. “And I said, ‘Scott Fitzgerald — isn’t he dead?’ And he said, ‘No, he’s not dead, he’s right in the next room reading your script.’ ”

But Fitzgerald was in the final years of destroying himself with alcoholism, and the enterprise ended after he and Schulberg went on a legendary bender in New Hampshire.

During WWII, he made films for the armed forces, working alongside John Ford. At the war's end, he was assigned to compile evidence for the Nuremberg trials and in the course of his duty, he tracked down and arrested Leni Riefenstahl, the filmmaker made infamous for her pro-Nazi propaganda films.

In 1941, he published his first novel, What Makes Sammy Run? It was a powerful and searing indictment of Hollywood back-stabbing and inside deals. Stung by how accurate and cutting the depiction of the studio system was, Hollywood moguls warned Schulberg that he would never work again. In 1947, his second novel, The Harder They Fall, was released to similar acclaim. It has become the definitive novel about the corrupt side of boxing and is held up as one of the great sports novels of all time. For his third novel The Disenchanted, Schulberg presented a slightly fictionalized account of his short-lived but tumultuous partnership with F. Scott Fitzgerald.

In 1951 Schulberg was called before HUAC during its ruthless investigation of communist influence in the film industry. Identified as a Party member, and still convinced that communism represented a real threat to freedom of speech, Schulberg named names, including screenwriter Ring Lardner and director Herbert Biberman. Both would become famous as members of the Hollywood Ten. Like Elia Kazan, Schulberg's testimony was seen as a massive betrayal by the liberal community, and once again, Schulberg was told he would never work again.

In 1954, he fought back. He wrote the story and screenplay for On the Waterfront, which Kazan directed. It was seen by many as an explanation why both the men named names and a defense of going against the opinion of others to stand up and make a moral choice. The film won eight Oscars, and is now regarded as one of the finest American films ever made. Kazan and Schulberg would re-team in 1957 for a searing and incisive examination of the political power of television, the underrated A Face in the Crowd.

Schulberg never stopped writing or being passionate for social justice. He wrote journalism, wrote for television and released more books. He encouraged African American teens to write by establishing the Douglass House Watts Writers Workshop, and he also founded the Frederick Douglass Creative Arts Center in New York in 1971. In 2001, he began a collaboration with Spike Lee to make a film about the life of boxing great Joe Louis. As of yet, there is no film, but one hopes Mr. Lee does make the film. It would be a fitting final work by a man who never stopped fighting for what he thought was right.

Flash Forward moving forward....

According to an article over at io9, the pilot based on the novel Flash Forward is going ahead and will get a series order from ABC.

For those out there that don't know, Flash Forward is a novel by respected Canadian SF author Robert J. Sawyer. In it, an experiment at the Large Hadron Collider creates a two minute period where the entire population of the planet Earth has their consciousness transported twenty years into the future. The novel follows the pair of scientists who orchestrated the experiment, and the major themes of the story focus on whether or not the future is set or can be changed and how foreknowledge can alter your decisions. Heady stuff, but there's also a cool mystery, as one of the scientists doesn't experience a vision, indicating that he may be dead in the future, and he learns from other peoples' visions that he may have been murdered.

I liked the book (aside from the ending, which I won't spoil, but went too far into sci-fi land for me) as did Mrs. Nerdlinger, but we both wondered how it would turn into a series.

Well, wonder no further! Here's what io9 has to say:

But unlike the novel, in which everyone sees twenty years into the future, the show, produced by David S. Goyer and Brannon Braga, gives everyone a glimpse five months into the future. And at the end of each season, the show resets and people get another future-glimpse. The show stars Joseph Fiennes, John Cho, Sonya Walger and Jack Davenport.

I like the alteration, as it gives the series more versatility, although how this can be said to be based on the novel is beyond me. Still, I like the cast. The only thing is that some of these high-concept shows have kind of tanked as the concept becomes too overwhelming. We'll see this fall, I guess.

RIP - Forrest J Ackerman

More sad news, though it was not unexpected given his health; legendary genre icon Forrest J Ackerman has passed away. He was 92 years old.

Ackerman created the legendary magazine Famous Monsters of Filmland in 1958, perhaps the first and best publication devoted to genre films. It was hugely influential, counting such future horror and science-fiction luminaries as Stephen King, Steven Spielberg, John Landis and others as fans. During his lifetime he amassed the largest and greatest collection of genre memorabilia in the world, including Bela Lugosi's Dracula cape, Mr. Spock's ears, and Lon Chaney's makeup kit, along with a staggering amount of photos and other items. Perhaps most impressively, he actually coined the phrase "sci-fi".

He interviewed legends like Bela Lugosi, Boris Karloff and Vincent Price. He introduced countless youngsters to old genre classics. He was among the first to suggest that these types of films and stories were even worth serious scholarship and appreciation. Here's a wonderful obit.

Rest in peace, Uncle Forry. And hopefully, you'll come back the way you'd want, as a terrifying creature of the night.

Michael Crichton - RIP

According to the author's website, Michael Crichton has passed away after a "courageous and private battle against cancer". He was 66 years old.

Crichton first gained fame with his classic sci-fi novel The Andromeda Strain, although he had written several earlier novels under different pen names. He would go on to continued success with such novels as The Terminal Man, The Great Train Robbery and Congo, but would reach his greatest success as a novelist with Jurassic Park.

In the world of film, he directed the sci-fi classic Westworld, as well as Coma, The Great Rain Robbery, Looker and Runaway. He also created the hit television series ER.

Moby Dick - now with more kick-assery, less annoying thematic complexity

According to recent article in Entertainment Weekly, a pair of screenwriters are considering making another film version of Moby Dick. Fair enough. Here, according to the two geniuses who brought you the cinematic marvel that was Accepted, is their plan:

Screenwriters Adam Cooper and Bill Collage..."revere Melville's original text" but plan to change it drastically into a "graphic novel-style" adventure tale, starting with the dropping of the first-person narration. (Never mind that the book begins with one of the most famous lines of first-person narration in all of literature: "Call me Ishmael.") The movie will also change Captain Ahab so that he's shown "more as a charismatic leader than a brooding obsessive." And modern digital effects will be used"to tell what at its core is an action-adventure revenge story."

Okay, this might not be the most retarded adaptaion of good source material (Bonfire of the Vanities or The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, take your pick), but that could be only because it hasn't been made yet. Their plans for Moby Dick seem to indicate that they've never even read the damn thing, except maybe this version:

10 Genre Properties Begging to Be Adapted - Part 2

I went through the first five in my previous post, now here are the final five.




5 - The Walking Dead - A grim, uncompromising and brutal story about a small band of people struggling to survive in world decimated by zombies, Robert Kirman's comic series is an engrossing endurance test. The zombies are merely the catalyst for this tale, which focuses on the survivors and their attempts to retain their humanity and morality in a world where all order and structure has completely broken down. No character, even the "heroic" lead Rick Grimes, comes away unscathed, as people commit compromise after compromise, leading them to cross moral lines in the name of survival.

Is it dark? Yes, sometimes unrelentingly so. And before you think of it as a typical zombie story; well it is and it isn't. Like the best zombie stories, The Walking Dead is far more about us than it is about monsters. So, I think it would make a great television series, but only on cable. HBO could really take this series and run with it. Like the comic, it could be black and white to minimize the excessive gore. Also like the comic, it could be compulsive stuff.



4 - Preacher - This property also comes from the world of comics, and would also work best as an HBO series. It's been in development for about ten years, and the reason why it's experiencing trouble will soon become apparent.

Preacher tells the story of Jesse Custer, a reverend in a small Texas town struggling with an ever-growing sense of cynicism and disgust for his faith. Matters are not helped when the offspring of a tryst between an angel and a demon escapes from its prison in heaven and bonds with a human soul, namely Custer's. Custer reunites with his estranged girlfriend Tulip O'Hare, who is now a hitwoman and is traveling with an Irish vampire named Cassidy. Together, they set off to find God, who Custer discovers is a dysfunctional figure who has abandoned humanity whom he only created to satisfy his own sense of self.

Blasphemous, hilarious and outrageously offensive to pretty much everyone, Preacher has long been a favorite amongst fans for its sheer balls to the wall adherence to its purpose; to deflate any aspect of modern American society that is perceived as sacred. It would be television unlike anything seen on TV and would be controversial in the extreme. It would also be genius.



3 - Wonder Woman - Okay, Matrix producer Joel Silver has been in charge of bringing the Amazon to the screen for over a decade now, and pretty much nothing has happened. They got Joss Whedon from Buffy to work on the project, which was pretty much the best fit anyone could have asked for, and even his stab at the character didn't satisfy Silver. It's time to get the option back to DC and start over. With this age of comic movies in full swing, it's pretty lame that the single largest female icon in comics doesn't have her own franchise. She's got the strength of Superman, and the kick-ass, take no prisoners' attitude of Batman. She needs to be a priority.


2 - Dragonlance - Margaret Weis and Tracy Hickman's fantasy novels have sold, oh, a bajillion copies since the initial tilogy was published in 1984. They're sort of the Stargate of the fantasy world; they've got their fans but they are still considered hugely nerdy, but they're perfectly enjoyable and great in their own way. It was originally created to tie in with the Dungeons & Dragons role-playing game, and is set in a similar sword and sorcery type of world. What connected with readers was the fact that the story distilled all of the archetypes of the genre, but in a soap operatic, relatable tone. Where Lord of the Rings feels Shakespearean in the slightly stiff tone of its narrative and characters, Dragonlance dealt with the interpersonal relationships of its characters in a more modern, down to earth way. Readers loved the melodrama, even if the dialogue was often cheesy and cliched.

So, why is it number 2 on our list? For all its faults, the first trilogy of Dragonlance would make three great movies. The story takes place on world called Krynn, during a dark period of their history when an evil god has marshalled her forces to take over the planet. Dragons, long thought extinct, return to wreak havoc. Six outcast adventurers find themselves embroiled in the conflict, and the trilogy follows them. Each of the six have their own conflicts and demons to overcome during the course of the story, which also features great set pieces such as battles with Dragons, epic armies, and undead soldiers. But the personal stories give the series its heart.

With some judicious adaptation done by a solid screenwriter, coupled with a director comfortable with epic battles and cgi wizardry, it's a licence to print money. But it would be expensive as hell. Please, please, please, do not judge by the truly interminable animated film that was recently released, which is diabolically bad.



1 - Green Lantern - I once heard that Jack Black was in line to play this icon from DC comics, which is an idea so bad it can only have originated in Hollywood. Basically, Green Lantern tells the story of Hal Jordan, a test pilot who one day is transported by green energy to the crash site of an alien ship, where he is told by its dying pilot that he has been selected to replace him in the Green Lantern Corps, an intergalactic organization of policemen. Yeah, it's a cop in space. Jordan is given a ring that can create any stucture he can imagine. Armed with this, he is assigned to patrol a space sector.

Cops in space. Cool idea. So basically, it's Superman meets Iron Man meets Star Trek. There would be weird alien creatures, super space battles and cool special effects. It would be a superhero story with totally different feel than the rest of the movies we've seen, which have all been resolutely earth-bound.




So there you have it. Anyone agree? Violently disagree? Care in the slightest?

10 Genre Properties Begging To Be Adapted - Part 1

Hollywood is remake crazy these days. To be fair, it does make perfect sense. Why create something new and original (hard) when you can take something that works already and slap it up on the screen (easier!). It doesn't always work out (case in point: The Wicker Man remake. Oy), but it seems like Hollywood has less trepidation when it comes to adapting a successful property.

So, below, I give you the properties that I believe need to be fast-tracked. Some are already in development but have stalled. Some have been badly adapted before but could work with the right vision. All could be great. Here are the first five:

10 - Starblazers / Space Battleship Yamato - Debuting in the 1970's, this animated series was one of the first introductions of serious anime to North American audiences. Sure, Astro Boy and Speed Racer had been around, but they were clearly kids' stuff. Starblazers was a serious space opera where more adult themes and violence combined with space battles to create something new.

The story takes place in a future where Earth is being bombarded with radioactive bombs from alien enemies. A probe is uncovered that contains plans to a method of faster-than-light travel, as well as a message from friendly aliens who claim to have a device that will cleanse Earth of the radiation now seeping into their underground cities. The crew of a new ship has only one year to get to this planet and back to save Earth.

So, it's got a clear plot, cool concepts and space battles. A new, live-action version of this show could be as grim and gritty as today's Battlestar Galactica, or it could simply be an epic adventure. Either way, done with modern special effects and filled with kick-ass space dogfights, this could be a great ride.

9 - The Puppet Masters - An early novel from sci-fi giant Robert A. Heinlein, the story sees secret agents facing off against a parasitic race of aliens that attach themselves to the back of humans, thereby controlling them. Full of cool ideas such as secret agents continually altering their physical appearances through surgery and communication devices actually implanted into the body, the novel is one of the early "alien possession" classics, beating The Body Snatchers by a couple of years.

Sure, it's dated now, but a good writer could revise some of the more out-moded ideas and create a creepy and thrilling action film. It's been adapted before, notably into a 1994 with Donald Sutherland, but the adaptations take liberties with the story that render it somewhat cliched and lacklustre. Play up the more creepy aspect of having giant slugs attached to our bodies, as well as futuristic secret agents, and you'll have something.

8 - Daredevil - the TV Show - Yeah, yeah, it was a movie with Ben Affleck, and yeah, it was terrible. You know why? Because Daredevil wouldn't work as a movie. What it would work as is a TV show.

See, the movie made a big deal about "getting" Daredevil, but all it did was get the surface stuff. That's when comic book movies don't work. It's not about fights and costumes and super villains. Well, it's not just about that. There's a central thematic concept to all of the greats, and for Daredevil it's all about a guy who is both a believer in the system (he's a lawyer), but who also goes out and defies it by inflicting huge levels of violence on criminals. Nice dichotomy. Throw in some good Catholic guilt, a willingness to cross the line into brutality and some man-whore tendencies, and you've got a compelling central character.

The series has long been one of Marvel's darkest, ever since Frank Miller put his stamp on it. Miller took the series away from standard one-off stories and turned it toward darker, longer arcs. He created the Elektra saga, had reporter Ben Urich discover and conceal Daredevil's identity, and filled in alter ego Matt Murdock's back story. He began the epic and personal rivalry between Daredevil and crime kingpin Wilson Fisk, culminating in the "Born Again" arc, where Fisk discovers his identity and totally destroys Matt Murdock's life, leaving him a homeless, babbling wreck.

Later creative teams have pushed the envelope even further, providing years of material for TV writers. Keep it as dark and adult as the book has long been, and you'll have a winner.

7 - Ubik - Philip K. Dick has long been a favourite of Hollywood. Blade Runner, Total Recall, Minority Report, and A Scanner Darkly are just four of the films based on his work. His work tends towards examinations of the nature of reality and identity, and how our perceptions can define or alter them. That usually has proven too heady for Hollywood, so they've rarely fully plumbed the depths as much as Dick did in his writing.

Ubik centers around two major concepts within a futuristic society. First, the newly dead or near dead are placed into a state called "half-life", where for a limited amount of years, their loved ones can continue to communicate with them. Second, the society is plagued by telepaths who perform terrorist acts, industrial espionage and the like, forcing the development of "anti-telepaths", people who can detect and block telepaths. When a company of anti-telepaths are called to the moon on a job, a bomb goes off, seemingly killing their CEO. However, the survivors soon begin to question whether or not they were killed instead, and whether the reality they perceive is real or a shared hallucination.

Complex and twisty, but could be a real mind-fuck of a movie if handled by someone like David Fincher.

6 -Film based on the works of HP Lovecraft - Remember when the first trailer for Cloverfield came out, and there was a ton of speculation about what exactly the movie was about? The best theory I heard was that it was a movie based on the Cthulhu Mythos created by HP Lovecraft. That theory was incredibly more interesting than the rather annoying monster movie it turned out to be.

Lovecraft wrote pulp horror stories in the 1920's. He created what is now termed as cosmic horror: a sub-genre that says that life in the largest sense cannot be grasped by human minds and that the universe at large is unknowably alien. His stories featured giant idiot-gods known as "The Great Old Ones" or "Elder Things"; gigantic hideous alien monstrosities with such power that they were completely unstoppable and unknowable.

While cool and all, stories depicting a basically impotent human race encountering god-like monsters leaves little opportunity for dramatic tension. Still, you can see pockets of his stuff appear in tons of places such as Hellboy, Evil Dead and the works of Stephen King. There are successful video games out there based on his stories, and he's long been a cult icon. Perhaps a movie where a tough private eye uncovers a dark cult that is attempting to raise one of these monsters would be good; full of chills and squishy sub-monsters. You'd have to cut out Lovecraft's rather distasteful racism, though.

See you soon for Part 2, and the final five!