Sci-Fi Tech That Will Kill Us All (11) : The BEAR

Meet Vecna Robotics' Battlefield Extraction-Assist Robot, or BEAR. I'm going to let the video speak for itself, but as an intro, here's what BEAR's severely misguided creators have to say about their flagship product:

Designed to locate, lift and rescue people in harm's way, the humanoid BEAR can do what humans can't: lift heavy loads and carry them long distances. Whether on a battlefield, in a mine shaft, near a toxic chemical spill, or inside a structurally-compromised building after an earthquake, the BEAR can rescue those in need without risking additional human life.

The BEAR combines the versatility of tank-like tracks, and powerful hydraulics to do all sorts of pretty terrifying things, as seen below:





Yeah, watching it smash through glass, lift barbells and drag clearly unconscious human bodies is creepy enough, but then, HOLY FUCK, DID IT JUST TRANSFORM? It clearly transformed and rolled out there at 0:33. I think we just found the leader of the robot army that society has foolishly been building.

Sci-fi Tech that Will Kill Us All (10): Quadricopters

In my continuing series of warnings about technology that will lead to a dystopian nightmare of a future, may I present the quadricopter? At first glance, these little guys don't seem all that menacing. I mean, they're just little remote-controlled helicopters, right? yeah, little helicopters that can sneak through your window and stab you in your sleep! Look below:



What? That's not terrifying enough? Okay, this shows them cooperating to pick up objects and carry them off. Things like bodies:



So, how long before we see these pop up in a movie as a deadly little killing machines? Maybe Gene Simmons will use them to kill people, forcing us to rely only on Tom Selleck, and possibly a thin, hot, Kirstie Alley.

Sci-Fi Tech that Will Kill Us All (9) : Petman

God damn you, Boston Dynamics. As you may recall, I called this robotics company out as my nemesis not too long ago, and they have responded to my taunts with a whole new level of escalation. Take a look at the Petman:

Oh, you bastards, you're halfway to a Terminator. Here's what this seemingly "innocent" company has to say about the Petman:

PETMAN is an anthropomorphic robot for testing chemical protection clothing used by the US Army. Unlike previous suit testers, which had to be supported mechanically and had a limited repertoire of motion, PETMAN will balance itself and move freely; walking, crawling and doing a variety of suit-stressing calisthenics during exposure to chemical warfare agents. PETMAN will also simulate human physiology within the protective suit by controlling temperature, humidity and sweating when necessary, all to provide realistic test conditions.

Natural, agile movement is essential for PETMAN to simulate how a soldier stresses protective clothing under realistic conditions. The robot will have the shape and size of a standard human, making it the first anthropomorphic robot that moves dynamically like a real person.

I love how they refuse to admit that it's this realistic movement that utterly creeps the hell out of people. And please, for the love of god, stop kicking these things! Machines don't forget!

But, I've been assured by the president of Boston Dynamics that there is no sinister intent in their robotic designs, and that my fears are simple, treatable, neuroses.

Boston Dynamics President Lex Luthor

I have found my Nemesis....es. Nemeses?

So, remember back when I warned the rest of mankind about the existence of the Big Dog robot? Since then, I have heard from a number of people about how damn creepy that thing is, so I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Well, it turns out that I can now give a name to the main instigators of my robo-phobia, and that name is Boston Dynamics. They're the company that makes the Big Dog, and it turns out, they also make a wide variety of deeply unsettling robots that seem to have only creepy and/or military applications.

Here's a selection of some of their insectoid marauders. First, let's start with the Little Dog, which is just like it's bigger brother, except it's nearly silent, smaller and doesn't even have the cover story of acting as a "pack mule":

Next we have the RiSE. Now, I'll admit, this one is not the most terrifying specimen, but it does look like a fucking spider, and spiders are universally despised and feared, so, good design call:

Next comes the RHex, which is, to me, second only to the Big Dog for sheer creepiness. This thing can survive seemingly any impact, and it absolutely will not stop. Add, "until you are dead" to that last sentence and you've pretty much got Reese's speech to Sarah Connor in The Terminator. By the way, the most terrifying part comes when the thing goes into the water.......and fucking swims:

Yeah, and finally we've got a little thing called the SquishBot. This is the thing they're working on right now, so while it sounds like the most horrifying thing in the history of robotics, you can comfort yourself with the knowledge that it only exists.......in theory. Here's how Boston Dynamics describes the little fella:

SquishBot is a program to develop a new class of soft, shape-changing robot. The goal is to design systems that can transform themselves from hard to soft and from soft to hard, upon command. Another goal is to create systems that change their critical dimensions by large amounts, as much as 10x. Such robots will be like soft animals that can squeeze themselves through small openings and into tight places.

Tight places. Tight places. That is one fucking ominous turn of phrase. Picture this thing squeezing itself into your small openings and...tight places. Here's what it looks like:

All right, first off, that looks like the kind of robot that would pop up in a David Cronenberg movie. And not his later ones, like A History of Violence. Nope, I'm talking his Videodrome, Long Live the New Flesh period.





I would not be surprises if the next thing these guys come out with is a M.O.D.O.K.

Sci-Fi Tech That Will Kill Us All (8)

Okay, I realize that this feature has basically devolved into a showcase for my raging robophobia, but I feel it's important to warn the world about the imminent robotic takeover.

What? IT'S IN REVELATIONS, PEOPLE!!!!!

Whoo. Okay.

So, over at a site called BotJunkie (shudder), they're reporting on a new development in swarm robotics, which is a horrifying philosophy that says robots should be made simpler and smaller and cooperate to complete tasks.

Here's how they describe what are basically robotic ants crawling all over your house:

These tiny (4 millimeters on a side) robots are members of the I-SWARM project, which stands for Intelligent Small-World Autonomous Robots for Micro-manipulation. Each robot is simple, with three legs and a little poker to manipulate stuff with. They’re designed to work in large, cheap, mass producible, replaceable groups doing things that insects would be good at… Surveillance, obviously, but they could also do things like clean your house by taking care of one bit of dust each.

Imagine these little bastards climbing up your pants leg and using their little poker to manipulate your "little poker". Gahhh! That'll keep me up nights.

This Just In: GAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!

So, I'm trolling the interwebs, minding my own biznizz, and I come across this:



JESUS CHRISTOS! What the fuck was that? Why would you do that? Look, I'm not sure what the fuck is going on in Asia, but you all need to stop making robots do this kind of shit. Stop it.

Brrrrrr, I won't be sleeping tonight.

Sci-Fi Tech That Will Kill Us All (7)

Several news agencies are reporting on this event that occurred over the weekend, but not enough are trumpeting it as the first warning sign of an imminent cyber-apocalypse. And like most thing associated with robots and insane creepiness, it comes from Japan.

On Monday, three people were seen walking through the Tokyo streets to a robotics convention......with robot legs!

Here's how the article describes the scene:

Two men and a woman, wearing what looked like white plastic exoskeletons over black outfits, were testing -- at a pace of 1.8 kilometres (1.1 miles) an hour -- robotic suits designed to give mobility to the injured and disabled.

Look, I'm all for helping give mobility to the injured and/or the disabled. But that's how these things start. First of all, you know what these robotic legs are called? They're called a Hybrid Assistive Limb, or, you guessed it, HAL, for short. They named this after the most notable and well-spoken artificially intelligent villain in film history. But what do you expect from a company called Cyberdyne. Yep, the Japanese company is called Cyberdyne. Sound familiar? They also made this:

They named their frickin' company after the one that made the Terminators! And they make robots!!! Tempting fate. Tempting fate.

By the way, a robotics convention? That place would scare me more than a spider convention. Who attends a robotics convention, anyway?

Sci Fi Tech That Will Kill Us All (6)

Meet the Big Dog Robot. This little fella is being developed by the US Army as a sort of robotic pack mule. The idea is that this thing would be able to transport supplies in areas where the terrain is too difficult for conventional vehicles, but too dangerous to just give some guys some backpacks.

According to this article in the NY Daily News, the military has funded the development of this thing, and there's a video below that shows just how creepy its movements are. Seriously. This thing looks alive, and it creeps me the fuck out.

Peter Singer is an author and expert on the use of cutting edge tech in the military and while he says the noise of the Big Dog is a drawback, he also points out that this is just the prototype. Which I guess means later versions will be terrifyingly silent. Like robotic ninja mules. Strap a rail gun to this thing and it could be a bad guy in Halo.

Singer also had this to say:

"You're seeing this big sea change (in the use of robots)," Singer said. "Even though we're using them more and more, it doesn't mean that we are replacing humans."

War is a human story," he said.

Obviously he has not seen any of the Terminator films. Check out this vid (Yeah you can kick that thing now, but do you think it'll forget that? Nope, robots have long memories, and that dude will be the first to get fried when they take over):

Sci-Fi Tech That Will Kill Us All (5)

It's been a really long time since I last posted one of these, and I've missed it. So, I'm bringing this feature back, and in a big way, with a piece of tech that makes me want to call Michael Biehn and Christian Bale, and even that lame kid John Connor from the Terminator TV show.

Here's a description of the device in a Wired article:

It's called the Autonomous Rotorcraft Sniper System. It mounts a powerful rifle onto highly stabilized turret, and fixes the package on board a Vigilante unmanned helicopter.

Yeah, that's a robot sniper. A frakkin' robot sniper. In case you don't see the terrifying possibilites, allow me to show what our future robotic overlords will eventually develop this charmingly simple technology into.

Here's some more on what this baby can do:

The system is intended for the urban battlefield — an eye in the sky that can stare down concrete canyons, and blink out targets with extreme precision. Attempting to return fire against the ARSS is liable to be a near-suicidal act: ARSS is described as being able to fire seven to 10 aimed shots per minute, and it's unlikely to miss.

Now I know what you're thinking, firstly, do they really want to call it ARSS? Arse? Really. I guess when you can immediately deliver a head shot to any asshole who makes fun of your name from two miles away, you can handle a name that is literally ass. On a side note, I'm drawing my blinds right now.

The US Army: leaders in finding new ways to kill people without getting any of their own guys killed. Oh, and handing over the world to Skynet.

LHC is out of action; Humanity spared Black Hole in Europe!

According to recent news reports, The Large Hadron Collider (LHC) has had to shut down in light of a major fault. If you'll recall, I first wrote about the LHC here, where, to my chagrin, I got the date of its activation wrong. However, I pointed out to people who corrected me that this only gave you an extra week to make peace with whatever deities you may worship.

According to a press statement issued by CERN, the problem stems from the following:

...the most likely cause of the incident was a faulty electrical connection between two of the accelerator’s magnets. Before a full understanding of the incident can be established, however, the sector has to be brought to room temperature and the magnets involved opened up for inspection. This will take three to four weeks. Full details of this investigation will be made available once it is complete.

So, it appears we're spared from the appearance of a black hole on Earth.....aside from this one:

From Deconstructing Harry:

Harry: Cookie, do you know what a black hole is?

Cookie, the Hooker: Sure, that's how I make my livin'!

Sci-Fi Tech That Will Kill Us All (4)

Okay, so, beginning tomorrow, the Large Hadron Collider will go online. Oh, yeah, and possibly the world will be destroyed. So, you know, keep your weekend open.

The LHC is the world's largest particle accelerator complex. If the phrase "particle accelerator" sounds familiar, it's because that's what the Ghostbusters used to catch ghosts, so right away I'm preparing for an attack by the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Built by the European Organization for Nuclear Research (CERN), the LHC is housed in a gigantic complex under the Franco-Swiss border near Geneva.

From an article at the NewScientist:

The collider will simulate conditions less than a billionth of a second after the big bang, by smashing protons together at enormous energies. Physicists hope to resolve long-standing questions, such as why particles have mass and whether space has hidden extra dimensions.

That's basically the simplest explanation I could find that doesn't involve complex physics like Higgs boson, TeV protons, or supersymmetric particles. That's what Wikipedia is for, kiddies. Look it up.

So why is it dangerous? Well, some people believe that slamming together high-energy particles in an attempt recreate conditions post-big bang might also create some pretty freaky effects.

Like what? Well how about a micro black hole? I think we can all agree that a micro black hole in Switzerland might work out bad for us. Not scary enough for you? How about a Strangelet? Put as simply as I know how, a Strangelet is a particle of strange matter. The danger is that, hypothetically, if a Strangelet were to come into contact with some ordinary matter, like, say, the Earth, it would convert the ordinary matter to strange matter. I know your next question and the answer is no, you cannot live on strange matter.

From the Wiki article:

Scenario is as follows: one strangelet hits a nucleus, catalyzing its immediate conversion to strange matter. This liberates energy, producing a larger, more stable strangelet, which in turn hits another nucleus, catalyzing its conversion to strange matter. In the end, all the nuclei of all the atoms of Earth are converted, and Earth is reduced to a hot, large lump of strange matter.

This is not a concern for strangelets in cosmic rays because they are produced far from Earth and have had time to decay to their ground state, which is predicted by most models to be positively charged, so they are electrostatically repelled by nuclei, and would rarely merge with them. But high-energy collisions could produce negatively charged strangelet states which live long enough to interact with the nuclei of ordinary matter.

Not to worry, though, because a group of scientists have filed and injunction to stop the activation of the LHC until all safety concerns are addressed and we have a plan to defeat any giant Marshmallow Men that may be created. Oh, wait, they lost that case, according to this article. The article goes on to show how anyone worried about the possible apocalyptic properties of the LHC is foolish. I can dig it, but these are the same guys who discovered Strangelets in the first place, so I'm not convinced.

Sci-Fi Tech That Will Kill Us All (3)

This terrifying installment comes to me courtesy of one of my oldest friends, whom I shall call Newman, and is incredibly freaky.


The CTO of Intel, Justin Rattner, delivered the keynote address at last week's Intel Developer Forum. During the address, he talked about the possibilty of creating intelligent robots capable of changing their shape.

Intel is creating fucking Transformers. And while I hope that that they will be as wise and cool as Optimus Prime, let's face it, they'll probably be as evil as Megatron. Or as annoying as Starscream.


From the address:


What if those machines had a small amount of intelligence, and they could assemble themselves into various shapes and were capable of movement or locomotion? If you had enough of them, you could create arbitrary shapes and have the assembly of machines that could take on any form and move in arbitrary ways.


The article goes on to mention that that these robots would be about the size of gain of sand. So picture this:

But tiny and capable of hiding in your nooks and crannies.

Justin Rattner, you are a bad haircut, a lame accent and a cat away from becoming a James Bond villain.

Sci-Fi Tech That Will Kill Us All (2)

Meet Heart Robot, the creepiest new addition to the ever growing race of robots that will one day overthrow our society and enslave us.

The Age has the full article, but here's their quick description of the little tyke:

Heart Robot has a beating heart, a breathing stomach and sensors that respond to movement, noise and touch. Cuddle him and he seems to soak up the affection. His limbs become limp, his eyelids lower, his breathing relaxes and his heartbeat slows. But if given a violent shake or shouted at, he gets upset. He flinches, his fists clench, his breathing and heart rate speed up and his eyes widen.

And if given a command by his robotic overlords, he will throttle you in your sleep. Seriously, who looks at this thing and thinks, "Just what I've always wanted, the needy skeleton of an infant"? But if you've always wanted to cuddle a character from The Nightmare Before Christmas, this is for you. Just picture this: an army of these little guys, silently marching down your street. Less cute now, huh?

Robots. The only thing worse than Zombies.

Sci-Fi Tech That Will Kill Us All (1)

Here's the first in a series of blogs where I'll look for real-life technology that previously lay in the domain of science fiction. Technology that will eventually be used by sentient machines to either enslave or eradicate us.


What?


It'll happen people. Stop looking at me like that.



First up - "The Rods from God"



This is from an article in Popular Science:



This technology is very far out—in miles and years. A pair of satellites orbiting several hundred miles above the Earth would serve as a weapons system. One functions as the targeting and communications platform while the other carries numerous tungsten rods—up to 20 feet in length and a foot in diameter—that it can drop on targets with less than 15 minutes’ notice. When instructed from the ground, the targeting satellite commands its partner to drop one of its darts. The guided rods enter the atmosphere, protected by a thermal coating, traveling at 36,000 feet per second—comparable to the speed of a meteor. The result: complete devastation of the target, even if it’s buried deep underground. (The two-platform configuration permits the weapon to be “reloaded” by just launching a new set of rods, rather than replacing the entire system.)




Here's a link the article itself for more terrifying info.


So, if I've got this straight, we are close to building a weapons system with the power of nuclear weapons, but none of that annoying fallout and radiation?


When Skynet becomes sentient, these are the weapons it will use.