Moby Dick - now with more kick-assery, less annoying thematic complexity

According to recent article in Entertainment Weekly, a pair of screenwriters are considering making another film version of Moby Dick. Fair enough. Here, according to the two geniuses who brought you the cinematic marvel that was Accepted, is their plan:

Screenwriters Adam Cooper and Bill Collage..."revere Melville's original text" but plan to change it drastically into a "graphic novel-style" adventure tale, starting with the dropping of the first-person narration. (Never mind that the book begins with one of the most famous lines of first-person narration in all of literature: "Call me Ishmael.") The movie will also change Captain Ahab so that he's shown "more as a charismatic leader than a brooding obsessive." And modern digital effects will be used"to tell what at its core is an action-adventure revenge story."

Okay, this might not be the most retarded adaptaion of good source material (Bonfire of the Vanities or The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, take your pick), but that could be only because it hasn't been made yet. Their plans for Moby Dick seem to indicate that they've never even read the damn thing, except maybe this version: